Saturday, August 18, 2007

An Open Letter to Mikal Watts

Dear Mikal,

I just wanted to let you know that today the Fort Bend Democrats held a very successful fundraiser in the form of our annual garage sale. We received thousands of donated items from Democrats across the county and spent the previous 3 days furiously sorting, pricing and putting them on display for today’s sale.

Shoppers at first trickled in with the dawn, but as the morning progressed we were truly deluged with customers, and later a midsummer rain shower. But never fear, we Democrats learn from our past mistakes and this time held our garage sale indoors with the A/C a-roaring and fans a-blowing and a roof protecting the whole thing. So we stayed cool and dry.

As I say, Democrats learn from our past mistakes. Can anyone spell T-O-N-Y S-A-N-C-H-E-Z?

Anyway, as much as we raked it in, and as many customers who showed up to throw their money at us, we still have lots and lots of good stuff to sell. There just weren’t enough hours in the day to sell all the stuff we have, and at great prices, I might add.

So we decided to close it up and advertise for a repeat event next Saturday.

But you know, we are dead tired. We’ve been working for 4 days straight to get this thing put together and accomplished, and now we are faced with another day this next weekend (Saturday, August 25th 8 AM (hopefully, this time) to 3 PM). We’re tired and could use a little help. So here is what I am going to propose. How about getting that checkbook of yours out and writing a check to the Fort Bend Democrats, a check for . . . say . . . 10 large? If you do that then what we will do is take the whole kit and caboodle of highly saleable goods down to the Fort Bend Women’s Center, who maintains a thrift store to help fund their Women’s Shelter. It’s a Win-Win-Win situation. You’d be doing us a favor, you’d be doing the battered and abused women of Fort Bend County a favor, and you’d put a feather in the cap of your campaign. It would be worth some ink in the local press, don’t you think?

I’ll bet it would get more notice than buying roast beef lunches for Democrats in Victoria.

By the way, and as an aside. Strong hint for the future, to save cash: Democrats will gladly accept a tepid hot dog on a white bread bun slathered with mustard and relish. You don’t have to go overboard with them. Democrats think a hot roast beef lunch is more appropriate for a wake.


refinish69 said...

ROTFLMAO!!!! I love it. Maybe Daddy Warbucks will send that check.

boadicea said...

Wrapped up in that snark is a very good suggestion. One I doubt that the Watts campaign will take, but a good one nonetheless.

TXsharon said...

It takes more than roast beef to win this Democrat over. But I'm more of a "by their fruits ye shall know them" type of gal.

Watts' big donations to Republicans is the wrong kind of fruit.

Noriega's service is the kind of fruit I'm talkin' 'bout.

Susan said...

Of course his consultants won't let him.

Watts has more consultants than you could herd with an electric cattle prod, three sheep dogs, and a bus load of rodeo clowns. They all feed his ego in exchange for his money. It's been a while (oh yeah, Tony Sanchez) since I've seen consultants drool like this.

I think you're selling out waaaaay too cheap, Hal. This guy is loaded. Ideas? Not so much. Charisma? Honey, if you ever need to suck charisma out of a room, he's the black hole of charisma. But dammit, he's got money. And money can buy you a lot of Rosencrantzes and Guildensterns.

I wonder how much anti-snark he's willing to buy? I guess we will discover the speed of snark, thanks to you, Hal.


Anonymous said...

Uh....while you are at it, our 2008 HQs will require only $15,000 which includes delivering 40,000 door hangers to independents and persuadables, a phone bank of 10 phones, rent, electicity, and everything!

Bay Area New Democrats.

Montag said...

I'd say Watts is more like Richard "Moneybags" Fisher. He got the nomination and then just sort of disappeared--wound up sorting clothing at Good Will or someplace just before Election Day.

The joke about people like Watts is that when he's walking he has to give hand signals before he turns so his posse of consultants can get out of his way.