Let’s Repeal the Bill of Rights

Why not? Let’s just go and repeal all of those bothersome constitutional amendments that seem to protect people we don’t like.

Like that most bothersome First Amendment. What a hodgepodge. I mean it. I mean in one single amendment we guarantee too many rights. First, the right of anyone to believe in any deity at all, or not believe in any for that matter. Who ever thought it would be used to protect the rights of a religious group we all agree to hate? Then there’s that bothersome right of free speech. Does it mean that someone I don’t like, like a NAZI or a Teabagger has the right to spout their crazy vile ideas? I think not. Free press? Does this mean we allow people to publish their lies and stupid points of view? Get real. The government knows what is right and that’s all that matters.

On the other hand, there’s that pesky 2nd Amendment. The one about the militia. If we all have guns, they thought, no one would be able to replace our government with a tyranny. But who is fooling whom? Can you buy Uranium depleted ammunition for your 50 caliber machine gun? What about an RPG? Heck, anyone have a suitcase nuke? On the other hand, how many tyrannical governments have we overthrown?

(Actually, like Tom Toles, I am serious about this one)

Or that 3rd Amendment. About quartering of troops. This is an issue anymore?

But the 4th Amendment, that whole search and seizure thing. How the heck are we going to be able to find incriminating things to charge the bad people with? Especially the bad people we don’t like? Like, you know, liberals. And what the heck, how will those electronics stores be able to check out the stuff in your shopping bags as you leave the store?

Oh, they do that anyway?

But this is the one I hate the most, that 5th Amendment. Don’t we have torture as a tool to question suspects now? How can we torture people and then NOT use what they tell us against them? That doesn’t make any sense at all.

And that 6th Amendment stuff about speedy trials and witnesses. All it does is protect criminals and people we don’t like. Chuck all of that and throw them all in the slammer where they belong.

The 7th? You want to have a jury trial for all matters over $20? Ever heard of inflation? Back in 1787 you could buy a house for $20.

And about that 8th Amendment. Punishment is supposed to hurt. It is by definition, cruel and unusual. Cruel and unusual punishment is an oxymoron if ever there was one. Keep your oxymorons out of my Constitution.

Then there’s the 9th Amendment. Heck I don’t even know what it means.

Oh and by God there’s the 10th Amendment. That stupid thing about states rights. Who follows that anyway? I mean it. The 10th says that any powers not listed in the Constitution are reserved to the states. When have they followed that one? Is Medicare in the Constitution? Social Security? No, but they take money out of your paycheck for them, don’t they? And not for you, either, but for some other guy. That’s . . . that’s . . . socialism.

And yes, if you were wondering whether I have gone certifiably crazy, the odds are that you would be correct.

Summer is over. School starts next week.