Monday, July 22, 2013

God's Laundry List

God apparently has a laundry list. He has a list of His picks for president, it seems, and if you aren't on that list then, well you might as well be a biracial man whose father was born in Kenya: out of luck and out of time.
God has His own picks for president, and Barack Obama appears nowhere on it. Instead he has, by their own admission, three individuals who are destined to serve in the White House: Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry and now . . . wait for it . . . Ted Cruz.
How comforted the conservative evangelical wing of the Republican Party must feel.
Michele Bachmann, now, told her audiences that God the Father was "calling her" to run for President of the United States. The assumption in all of that was that God does not call losers. He doesn't abide losers just as He did not allow David to lose against Goliath, or allow Joshua to let the inhabitants of Jericho to have their way with him from their high, high walls.
Then Rick Perry, at nearly the same time, assured his audiences that God was calling him to run.
Now neither Rick Perry nor Michele Bachman ever polled higher numbers than high single digits for more than a week except once for Perry . . . once . . . before his "Oops" comment.
But now we have another early leader in the GOP primary for POTUS in 2016, and it is none other than Ted Cruz, because Rafael Cruz, Ted's dad, has it from the Highest Source that his son will be the next president. From Politico:
“I would just say, ‘You know Ted, you have been gifted above any man that I know and God has destined you for greatness,’” he said in an exclusive interview with CBN Chief Political Correspondent David Brody.
Now I'm not one to rate the Almighty's own odds of being actually correct in picking the winners in a political race, He is, as you may know, both omnipotent and omniscient. And I am sure that both Rick and Michele had this in mind when they both predicted their own pre-ordained victories. But really, given His track record, either one thing or the other is true: 1) God sucks at odds-making, or 2) these charlatans need to come up with another line to feed their Kool-Aid slurping TEA Party religious yahoos.
If Ted Cruz can be President of the United States, boy have I got a prayer cloth to sell you. 


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