Things You Have to Believe to be a Republican Today

Things are quiet here in Texas Congressional District 22. Well, there are rumblings about some out of state Georgia congressman urging TX-22 voters to vote for Bob Smither. See about it here. But I am absolutely brain-dead today, so I am not going to participate in the observations underway on the GOP grilling of Bob Barr, or the speculation about whether the 3 million promised by the GOP head office will actually find it's way to the Pink Lady's campaign warchest. I am, however, mildly amused by an email I received today.

My auntie out west is the widow of a union man, and long-time Democrat. She reads my blog from time to time, so I bet she'll be surprised to see that I have posted her forwarded email to my blog today. I am a lover of irony and these one liners ooze irony. Enjoy.

Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:

• Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
• Trade with Cuba is wrong because that country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
  
• The United States should get out of the United Nations, but our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
  
• A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations should be able to make decisions affecting all mankind without any regulation.
  
• The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
  
• If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
  
• A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
  
• Providing health care to all Iraqis is a sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
  
• HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart, as do oil companies.
  
• Global warming is junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
  
• A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
  
• Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
  
• The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
  
• Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
  
• What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.