Thursday, April 21, 2011

Perry Proclaims for Public Prayer

I can’t believe my own eyes. Wait, it’s Rick Perry. Of course I believe my own eyes. The House is considering a job-killing budget bill, the Senate is considering a fewer job-killing budget bill, no one will consider fixing state finances so they don’t have to consider more job-killing bills, but here we have our governor issuing a proclamation asking all Texans to stop sometime this weekend and pray to their personal deities, whatever that deity is, that He/She/It bring rain to the Texas plains, and put out those fires.

From The Chron:

“‘I urge Texans of all faiths and traditions to offer prayers on that day for the healing of our land, the rebuilding of our communities and the restoration of our normal and robust way of life,’ he said in the proclamation.”

You see the governor thinks that if enough people pitch in all of those gods/deities will get together and rain will surely be sent to the parched drought-stricken hills and plains of Texas. Why just put it all on the Christian deity, er, deities? Can’t Buddha pitch in? All He does is sit around anyway. Allah surely can do something other than providing 76 houris to self-murdering terrorists. Krishna and Rama should care about Texas as much as they care about the Deccan Traps (wait, it doesn’t rain much there, either). And what about that most ancient Earth Mother? Gaia?

And what the heck. I guess I can pitch in, too and invoke my deity’s help and aid in these very dry times.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster.

So here goes.

O Flying Spaghetti Monster, we seek your help
Texas is dry as a strand of uncooked lasagna these days
And the fires are everywhere.
Smoke fills our eyes.
Please stretch out your delicious strands of pasta goodness
And make the clouds give up their spaghetti juice.
Just as You brought life to the cows and the pigs so we can have meatballs
Bring rain to the Texas plain.
In Prego’s name we pray.
There you go Governor Perry. Hope it helps.

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