Wednesday, April 13, 2011

John Kyl Not Factually Speaking

If you have been in a coma – or are a Teabagger – you are not aware of the great fun that Steve Colbert and Jon Stewart had with Arizona Senator John Kyl’s gargantuan “misspeaking” last week when he stated in no uncertain terms that 90% of what Planned Parenthood “does” is abortions.

Here is what Colbert did to this sad sack senator:

And now I hear that people are tweeting other statements that are not meant to be factual.

What fun.

I want in on the fun. Times are so bad now that a little fun might just be what the doctor (of what some of us are going to be settling for in the future – nurse practitioner) ordered.

First, please to note that the following are not meant to be factual statements.

Tom DeLay has a twin that he absorbed while he and she were in the womb. It’s in his shoulder which is why you never see him with his shirt off.

Rick Perry spends his evenings pulling the legs off of cockroaches, laughing uproariously as the try to run away.

Barack Obama actually was born in Kenya and what is more he still maintains a permanent residence in Nairobi.

Michele Bachmann got her degree from MIT and is actually a former NASA rocket scientist.

John Kyl gets all of his cocaine from his pastor.

Michelle Obama’s first words to Barack when they first met were “Me love you long time.”

And finally,

The goal of the Republican Party is to bring prosperity to the middle class by bringing back jobs that have been lost to other countries and cutting defense spending.

Ah. Cathartic.

Oh, and by the way, did I mention that the statements made above were not intended to be factual statements?

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