Thursday, June 06, 2013

Final Exam for the End of the School Year

Students. It has been a long week but today you are sitting down to your last day in public school, ready to take your final examination. Now, because your school district has divined a way so as not to have this final exam count for anything that will remotely alter your grade as it exists right now, I have decided to make this final exam one of discovery.
Read the following, and mark whether A is True, B is true or Both A and B are True. Now, to help you successfully navigate through this examination, you should know that the answer to each and every question is "Both A and B."
Good Luck.
Circle one answer for each question.
1. In Texas it takes
     A. 10 hours to take a course in order to qualify for a license to carry a concealed weapon.
     B. 300 hours to take a course for a permit in cosmetology.
      Answer:  A.    B.     Both A and B
2. In Texas the state undergoes redistricting
    A. Once every ten years
    B. Any time they want to.
      Answer:  A.    B.     Both A and B
3. In Texas, the war between the states that settled the question of slave ownership is known as
    A. The Civil War.
    B. The War of Northern Aggression
      Answer:  A.    B.     Both A and B
4. In Texas, It is necessary to have a picture Voter ID in order to vote because
    A. Voter fraud is rampant in the state.
    B. Blacks and Hispanics shouldn't vote.
      Answer:  A.    B.     Both A and B (When referring to Republican voter fraud)
5. In Texas, teachers should be required to work outside their contract periods
    A. Whenever the district decides it needs slave labor
    B. Always
      Answer:  A.    B.     Both A and B
6. In Texas schools, Evolution should be taught
    A. As one of many theories on the origin of species
    B. As a quaint theory held by Yankees, brainiacs, and atheists.
      Answer:  A.    B.     Both A and B
7. In Texas, the unemployment situation is
    A. Solved because of the natural entrepreneurial spirit of Texans.
    B. Solved because all new jobs pay minimum wage, if that.
      Answer:  A.    B.     Both A and B
8. In Texas, it is more common for more blacks to be
    A. On death row than whites.
    B. Arrested for possession of marijuana than whites.
      Answer:  A.    B.     Both A and B
9. In Texas,
    A. 25% of its people have no health insurance.
    B. It's governor has turned down the Medicare expansion provision of Obamacare.
      Answer:  A.    B.     Both A and B
10. Texas is 50th of 51 in Education ratings (including D.C.). Texas ranks above
       A. Mississippi
       B. Thank God for Mississippi.
      Answer:  A.    B.     Both A and B
How did you do? Did you follow ALL the instructions? If you did, then congratulations, you are now qualified to live and breathe in Texas.

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