Monday, January 01, 2007

The Underground Liberal Caucus - Watch Out SDEC!

Holy Krishna I never thought I’d make it home from the party I went to last night. It was thrown by a relatively new Texas political group that I recently discovered: the Underground Liberal Caucus or ULC.

They are a wild bunch of people.

The highlight of the evening was when Shakira expounded on her experiences as a beauty pageant contestant. The pageant rules specifically state that there shall be no artificial enhancements to breasts or butts, but invariably, according to Shakira, the top ten finishers have both. But no one seems to care.

Then she yanked down the top of her blouse, exposing a grand bounty of feminine mammary tissue, and declared “But there’s nothing fake here. These suckers are 100% natural!”

I would have taken her word for it, but I appreciated the extra effort.

It all went downhill from there, and I think I got home with all of the clothing that I came with. But I am still trying to figure out where the fishnet stockings came from.

The ULC, as it turns out, is a progressive liberal Political Action Committee that plans on attending next week’s meeting of the SDEC. They passed the hat around because they wanted to buy a book for each and every member of the SDEC. A book entitled “Peace, Love, and Bar Be Cue”. I threw in 5 bucks because I thought that the party was mainly going to be about playing some winner-take-all “Texas Hold ‘Em” poker, and that’s what I brought to lose anyway.

I wonder what else I lost last night?

Or gained, for that matter.


Susan said...

Hal - I'm glad you had fun. Good food, good friends, great mammary tissue, and .... who the hell found my fishnet stockings?

Franny said...

Best. Party. Ever.

I am sorry that we didn't get around to playing cards, but nobody would shutup and deal. I, however, would have taken your $5.00 with such ease.

Peace, Love, and BarBeCue!

Marsha Rovai said...

When we party, WE PARTY! When is our next meeing of the ULC?


Anonymous said...

Hey Hal-

Were the stockings red or are they purple with rhinestones up the back seams?

The purple ones are mine. The red ones belong to Carmen Electron. Didn't they go divinely with those wicked red lizard stiletto boots? And that pocket on the side to hold her whips was so clever. Made my purple piezo outfit look purely pitiful. But then we all know that these are made to look best on the floor anyway.

Which, by the way, is also where those 100% naturals of mine land these days without the industrial-strength assistance of modern echnology and metallurgy.

I wonder if I am the only person who jumped for joy when that old grunting, cigar chomping pig who ran the Miss Texas/Miss America Pageant died. But I'll give him credit. He did ruthlessly uphold the apple-pie values of the company as opposed to the Miss Texas/Miss USA, Inc. bunch. No
wonder ol' Mr. Ultimate Combover wants to associate with that group. I wonder when that old fart's heart is going to give out from all that Viagra?

Money can't buy you everything.

No, the SDEC won't know what hit them when we get there. Poor babies.

Maybe we should calm them down in advance a bit with our desserts.
Afterall, Fort Bend was built on sugar, Sugar. Get them used to licking their fingers before the barbeque sauce hits the fan.

Yours, in leather.

Shaki Shaki

Hal said...

Shakira -

You are why I vote Democratic. Pleasure, Pain, and Endurance.

Fenway Fran said...

Oh my, I KNEW this would happen. I missed the party of the century...and this blog is getting too hot to handle! I just met Shakira at the hosiery store and she says it's not too late to join the ULC...When's the next poker game?