My Impassioned Plea to Arizona Sec State Bennett

Unless you have been asleep in this very political year, you have not missed the maniacal actions of the Arizona Secretary of State, Ken Bennett, who has pondered over whether he, as a responsible Secretary of State in charge of elections in his state, should allow President Barack Obama’s name on the November ballot considering the fact that he may not be constitutionally qualified to lead this nation because of the constitutional proviso that the president must be a naturally born citizen and not naturalized.

He embarked on his quest to establish President Obama’s true citizenship after receiving over 1,200, count ‘em, 1,200 emails from concerned Arizonans. Now that’s what I call being responsible and proactive.

So I noted today that a new website has sprung up, a website that is alarmed that presidential hopeful Mitt Romney is not exactly human. Although the constitution does not explicitly restrict a president to the zoological classification of Homo sapiens, I think it is implied when they use the word “person” in reference to who can be president.

Now I have it on good authority that Mitt Romney has never denied that he is a unicorn. In fact he has ignored the charge, which is completely callous. 

And now I find that this website has collected more than 17,000 emails that they have forwarded to the office of the Arizona Secretary of State. Emails that demand that Mitt Romney subject himself to an examination of his DNA to prove, at long last, that he is not a unicorn but is a human being as he purports to be.

17,000 emails.

Here’s some math:

Twelve hundred emails demanding that Obama is a US citizen goes into 17,000 emails demanding that Mitt Romney establish his humanity is exactly 14 and 1/6 times.

Over 14 times the number of emails that persuaded him to investigate President Obama’s citizenship.

They got mine today. Here is what I wrote in addition to the generic message generated by the website:

Sec State Bennett, thank you for investigating whether President Barack Obama was indeed born in the state of Hawaii. I wasn't there to witness it and I want answers. On the other hand, presidential hopeful Mitt Romney has time and time again refused to submit to a DNA test to quell persistent rumors that he is, indeed, a unicorn. Join me in demanding that Mitt Romney prove once and for all the falseness of these outrageous, but believable rumors.

This is serious guys. Unicorns carry lethal weapons mounted on their foreheads, and I have heard of no state law that allows the “conceal carry” or even “open carry” of a unicorn horn. Mitt needs to come to terms with these charges.

The very real stiffness of the man, and his lack of any perceivable sense of humor casts doubt on Mitt Romney’s humanity. This is just the icing on the cake.

Come Clean Mitt Romney!