Sunday, January 27, 2013

Ummm…Sixty is the New Forty

Governor Perry has consulted his Holy Bible and lo and behold he has extracted new meaning where there was none before. See, it has been 40 years today since Roe v. Wade has been the law of the land – settled law according to Chief Justice Roberts – but the number 40 bears some significance to Rick Perry, and as it turns out, it bears some significance to God.
Rick Perry told a crowd of pro-coat hangerists today at the state capitol that according to the Holy Bible, Noah’s flood lasted for exactly 40 days and 40 nights. And not only that, God’s only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, spent 40 days in the wilderness before He started His ministry.
So it’s only logical, you see, that God works with the number 40.
So Roe v. Wade according to God and Rick Perry is going to be dumped onto the trash heap of history this year- in its fortieth year.
But here is the fly in Perry’s ointment. God seems to have changed His mind on the number 40. In times past, like in the last century, when one reached 40 years of age it was all downhill from there, and one was put on a steadily accelerating rollercoaster headed inexhorably to the grave. But thanks to modern chemistry and medicine, it seems that 60 is the new 40.
Times change, you know. Forty isn’t all it was cracked up to be. One has to think out of the box here and understand the new numerology.
So to all you anti-choice people out there I say this: we pro-choice people have been reprieved for another 20 years before we have to let another class of “abortion doctors” sharpen up their coat hangers for a renewed carnage.
Because you see, it’s true what they say, anyone who wants an abortion badly enough will find some way to get one. Ironic, isn’t it that conservatives don’t believe that banning guns will bring a halt to gun violence, but do believe that banning abortion will bring a halt to abortion.

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