Monday, May 04, 2009

Supreme Court Weighs in on Value of Janet Jackson’s Right Breast

Now apparently the Supreme Court's decision that the 3rd Circuit Court should throw out the $550,000 fine imposed on CBS for “allowing” Justin Timberlake to uncover Janet Jackson’s right breast on primetime public television at the end of their halftime Super Bowl performance 5 years ago has placed a value on that particular part of her anatomy.

Back a year ago, the 3rd Circuit Court found that it wasn’t worth the cost. The punishment did not fit the crime. In coming to this conclusion, the court pointed out all of the inconsistent behaviors of the FCC in bringing charges, obscenity or just swearing, to the offenders.

CBS said it had no idea what Jackson/Timberlake had planned, and the court agreed that CBS should not be responsible for “fleeting nudity.” Especially when the FCC ignored other instances of equal or greater offense. Especially when the offense is “fleeting.”

At 9/16th of a second, which is what the dextral mammary exposure amounted to, is termed “fleeting.”

And who was timing it I have no idea.

But today the United States Supreme Court, in all its august majesty, has issued a directive to the 3rd Court of Appeals that they shall not ignore the fact that this was a serious breach of decency, a breach that would have gone all but unnoticed were it not for the miracle of instant replay and photo enhancement techniques that allowed the incident to effectively burn into the minds and memories of decent Americans.

Over and over and over again.

So this $550,000 fine levied on CBS because of the 9/16ths of a second exposure of Janet Jackson middle-aged hooter gives us an idea of the value of observing not two, but just one of Janet Jackson’s breasts - say for an hour.

By my calculations, at this rate, the value of, or if you look at it from the Dark Side, the damage done in, observing Janet Jackson right mammary for an hour comes to a grand total of . . . wait for it . . . $3.52 billion.

And no, I won’t post the video here. This site is rated PG. Well sometimes PG13. But it’s still on You Tube so if you need some reminding . . . and I completely absolve myself of your journey to the gates of hell if you do . . . go here.

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