Saturday, September 22, 2012

You Can Do a Lot, but You Can’t Do That

Boy did Texas Democratic candidate for State House Matt Stillwell stick his foot in it this time. Stillwell, a native of the area of the west formerly known as Tejas, that is, Albuquerque, New Mexico, sent out a campaign flier solemnly stating that he was a Native Texan.
Well, yes, but not in this century.
As originally mapped, Tejas extended west along the east bank of the Rio Grande River, taking with it roughly half of what now constitutes New Mexico, including all of what is now known as the City of Albuquerque.
The city of Stillwell’s birth.
But on Stillwell’s flier for his try at the seat for HD 136 in Williamson County, it clearly stated that he is a Native Texan, when in actual fact, he is a foreigner.
And you know that the 11th Commandment, the one written on the part of the tablet that dropped off on Moses’ way down from the top of Mount Sinai, reads “Thou shalt not claim to be a Texan when it ain’t true.”
Matt Stillwell broke God’s Law, and he needs to be crucified for his transgression, so says the Republican County Chairman Bill Fairbrother, who quipped:
“How do you mess up your own bio?  I shudder to even think what Matt will miss when it’s time to study the state budget.”
Well ditto, Brother Bill. I even wonder whether this New Mexico native wonders what that big yellow thing is when it comes up in the sky every morning.

I mean, take the state’s budget. Ol’ Matt might just miss the fact that it takes  $20 billion per year to educate Texas’ children, and instead allow only $16 billion. Or that it takes $10 billion to fully fund the states healthcare programs, but he might just decide that $6 billion is all the state’s citizens need.
Oh wait, that already has happened, hasn’t it?
Oh well. Still and all, either Matt Stillwell has made a false claim that he is a Native Texan, and deserves to be bound and quartered for that offense, or he needs to be sent back to the 19th century from which he came, when Albuquerque was, indeed, a part of Tejas.
Because, space-time continuum notwithstanding, you can do a lot, but you can’t do that.

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