Friday, August 29, 2008

Top Ten Reasons Why John McCain Named Sarah Palin His Running Mate Today

When I heard from a student today that McCain had named his running mate, and that it was Alaska’s Governor Sarah Palin, my first thought, my first question was “Why her?” Will the right wing nasties, even their women, want to vote for a woman who will be “a heartbeat away?”

Misogyny, I think, was invented by the Republican Party.

Has McCain just given away the election?

I think not. I have thought about this some for the better part of half a day and I have come up with ten very good reasons why John McCain should have named Sarah Palin as his running mate. It’s so obvious to me now.

So without further ado, I give you the Top Ten Reasons Why John McCain Named His Running Mate Sarah Palin Today (with further apologies to David Letterman).

10. It’s the name. If you take out the “L” the ticket becomes McCain/Pain.

9. Experience. Sarah Palin has been a woman all her life, and one thing that John McCain lacks is expertise in the fairer sex. Had he known Sarah Palin all those years ago, she probably would have counseled him that it wouldn’t be a particularly good idea to run around with his present wife while his current wife was abed with a fatal disease. She would have told him that it wouldn’t look good if he ran for president some day.

8. Age. Sarah Palin is 44 years old. She solves the problem of collective age. Together, Obama and Biden have been on this planet for 112 years. McCain and Palin together? 116 years. Age becomes a non-issue, right?

7. Executive and military erudition. Governor Palin has been the chief executive of Alaska for darn near two years now. And she is the commander-in-chief of the Alaska National Guard. McCain has never led anything but the dinner line, and his military experience consists of getting shot down over enemy territory.

6. Palin flips to McCain’s flop. In 2007 she said “Thanks but no thanks” to the now-famous “Bridge to Nowhere.” But in 2006 she couldn’t wait to get the thing built. Their flip-flops complement each other.

5. Given McCain’s penchant for dumping old aging wives for young things, the McCain/Palin ticket gives new meaning to the term “running mates.”

4. With Bush leaving office in January, there would have been no one to fill in the void he leaves in having an anti-science activist in the Executive Branch. Sarah Palin fills the bill. She is against stem cell research, doubts global warming and is in favor of creationism being taught in public schools.

3. Sarah Palin solves the Romney problem. Had he picked Mitt it would have not only pissed off the Christian Evangelicals, in which Sarah is counted in their number, but it would have raised the issue of whose son is fighting in Iraq (Biden’s) and whose are not (Romney’s).

2. Another way Sarah Palin complements John McCain: where John McCain is old, bald, wrinkled, ugly, mean and nasty, Sarah Palin is a recent former beauty queen who desperately wishes for “World Peace.”

And the number reason why John McCain should have picked Sarah Palin as his running mate?

1. As Alaska’s Governor, Sarah Palin has already shown that she is well along in her quest to take over for “Dead Eye” Dick Cheney. Cheney has shown time and time again how he can be so abusive of power that isn’t really his to wield. Sarah Palin, with only two years as governor, is already being investigated for abuse of power when she fired her Commissioner of Public Safety when he refused to dismiss her abusive ex-brother-in-law. Now that’s what I call Republican executive material.


Anonymous said...

This is superb

Elderlady said...

I have never seen anything this scary since Cruella DeVille.


Anonymous said...

I was shocked when I saw this photo on another blog; however, they discovered this a photoshop job-not real.

Hal said...

Yes, that's what I heard as well.

I still liked the photo and I needed to underscore just who is the celebrity here.

Anonymous said...

Top 10 Reasons John McCain Picked Sarah Palin

10. Meets the ‘knows how to split wood’ criteria

9. Say’s she’s willing to attend the funerals of third world dictators if the Lord decides to create a second and third world

8. Shows that he understands global warming: Alaska will be the new Florida

7. Likes the idea of ‘Nurse’ Sarah checking on his health every day

6. One-ups Bush: she’s the governor of America’s largest state

5. Energizes often neglected ‘horny’ vote

4. Demonstrates his strong commitment to on-the-job training programs

3. Really is the most qualified candidate since the rest of the short list secretly joined Republicans for Obama after his rousing acceptance speech

2. Has 24 years experience in the #2 position: as runner-up Miss Alaska

1. One-ups Cheney: knows how to field dress a disaffected supporter after ‘accidentally’ shooting him.

Anonymous said...

It's great to see when so many are so scared.

McCain\Palin 08!

Hal said...


I make "top ten jokes," others follow, and all because we are running scared. Now THAT is funny.

Anon, Democrats absolutely welcome Sarah Palin to this contest. Especially we lefty bloggers. She will be, like Tom DeLay and Shelley Sekula Gibbs, the gift that keeps on giving.

Anonymous said...

You were saying you welcome her?

How about now since you're down in the polls??

It's great Obama was campaigning for 2 of the 3 years he was in the Senate, but his inexperience has now cost him. Want to know why? Because McCain knows its Sept. - Nov. 4th that counts.