All Hail the Texas Navy

Bet you didn’t know that the Free State of Texas, as it should be called, has its own navy. It has a fleet of gunboats. Gunboats armed to the teeth with fully automatic machine guns.

Six of them to a boat.

These boats patrol the border waters, three in the Rio Grande River to interdict drug smuggling operations, and three of them in the intracoastal waterway. A channel that allows ship traffic to safely traverse the Gulf coast barrier island system.

Lots of people see this as typical Texas grandstanding, stepping up, so to say, where the federal government has gone all lax and lackadaisical.

But who knows what these gunboats can be used for. Given the Republican rhetoric in this election year, why not turn these machine guns on those who cross the Rio Grande in hopes of getting a minimum wage job washing dishes in any given restaurant in Texas? Why not?

These people are taking jobs away from our youth after all. You know, the ones who spend all their time texting each other on their $300.00 phones. Know why they do that? Because they cannot get those highly desirable jobs washing dishes, harvesting produce and hosing down slaughter houses.

Best to just turn these 50 cals on all these people when they are most helpless. Mid-river.

But you know, Texas isn’t the first state to launch a fleet of border patrol boats. When I was growing up in California I got to experience first hand the launching of the country’s first state navy. The world famous Baywatch lifeguard boats.

Boats that made Pamela Anderson possible.