Friday, June 22, 2007

On a Phone Call Received in Sugar Land, Texas: Bloomberg Calling

OK I gotta tell you about this phone call that my greatest and best friend Ann got tonight.

It never fails, whenever I go over to Ann’s place she gets a call from a canvasser. One time it was about what hobby store she shopped at. Believe me, if you knew Ann you would know that this surveyor hit pay dirt. She was on the phone answering question after question with this person for about a half hour, and then the call got dropped. Ann rolled her eyes and put the phone down. We resumed our conversation and then the phone rang again. It was the same canvasser. The survey continued for another 20 minutes. I swear this is true.

Well tonight, Ann got a call from another canvasser, this time a political poll. I paused the movie we were watching (don’t ask, it was a Will Farrell movie) and my ears perked up when I heard her say the word “Democrat”. Then I sat up to listen and Ann switched ears so we could both hear.

I ask myself, why does Ann get these calls and I don’t? I would live to receive this call but never do. Ah fate.

The survey was on presidential candidates. The first question was over, as I said, which party do you affiliate yourself with? When Ann answered “Democrat” I could tell that this led to “If Ans = Democrat then Do” because all of the next questions had to do with how she would vote if X Republican were to run against Y Democrat. Ann dutifully answered in Yellowdog-ese, always the Democrat. It was so funny that after awhile, to save time, the pollster filled in the blanks for her and Ann just replied “Um-hmm”.

Then the surveyor cut to the chase. “How do you feel about the two party system?” What do you think about a candidate who launches an independent campaign?” “How would you vote if Michael Bloomberg ran as a 3rd candidate against Republican candidate X and Democratic candidate Y?

“Rate how much you know about the performance of Michael Bloomberg.”

“What do you know about the positions of Michael Bloomberg?”

Then came the clincher: “If Michael Bloomberg were to commit between 500 million and a billion dollars to a campaign for the presidency, would you be more apt to vote for him, less apt to vote for him, or that doesn’t matter in your vote for or against him?”

So we asked each to the other, who was it that she just talked to? Was it a Bloomberg pollster who wanted to gauge the American opinion on whether they thought it was good, bad or neutral on buying the highest office in the country? Or was it a push poll that served two purposes of 1) gauging American voting tendencies vis-à-vis X Republican vs. Y Democrat and 2) in addition informing Americans about an attempt to purchase an address at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. DC? Half of me wants to say it was a Bloomberg pollster. She had a thick Neew Yawk accent. On the other hand, 60 per cent of me says that it was a poll from whomever was gauging how this new (and I mean brand new) shoe in the works, is going to play in America.

And yes, I can add. Half plus 60% doesn’t add up. You figure it out.

I honestly believe this survey was an act of sabotage.

OK I can translate shoe in the works for Texas high school graduates. If one wanted to commit an act of industrial production disruption, in the olden days, one would cast their wooden shoe into the gears of early industrial machinery, bringing production to a grinding halt. A wooden shoe was called, in the local language, a “Sabot” (pronounced “sa-BOH”). The act of doing this is known as “Sabotage”.

Clearly the pollster was either gauging how her independent candidate was going to perform in light of an electorate informed that he had financed his entire campaign, or the pollster was introducing new data to an electorate, telling them that they had a candidate who was attempting to buy the election.

I am going to go with the latter. This is the first time I heard the word “Billion” in connection with Michael Bloomberg’s campaign.

Is this wrong? H-E-Double-Hockey Sticks no! People should be informed that there is a shark in the water, and that shark has no moral convictions other than that he thinks he should be President of the United States.

Citizens, turn this one away. We have real issues, and real people who have been wrestling with these issues vying for the top spot. Please tell Michael Bloomberg to go back to New York. Take care of business there. Maybe next time stand for Senator.

New York Mayor to US President? Gimme a break!
Bloomberg, go home!

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